I like to give fun and positive and details on my blog. I need to put myself out there today. I have been feeling so HUGE lately. I don’t necessarily feel worse about my appearance than I have my whole life, but I am much heavier than I have ever been before. Why did I feel so bad about myself before now? During the move I noticed some old photos from high school, early college, and early marriage. I was CUTE and SKINNY! I’m not comparing my troubles and frustrations to those that have true health problems or worse heartache, but I don’t know why my struggle is something the whole world has to see. Very few have ever made me feel this I way yet I can’t shake the notion that people just see the fat and not me. I struggle with those who say they understand. Maybe they do feel the same—they aren’t what they once were either! Yet I can’t help thinking “I’m sorry you now have to wear a size two.” I know my weight problem is my fault. I can’t blame David or genes, but those things have not made this easier either. I am tired of not having anything to wear. This is way beyond skipping a few desserts and working out for twenty minutes everyday. I don’t know if I have the Herculean effort I know this will take to change. Don’t throw me a pity party. I was just that hoping some else really understands.
On a brighter note…Brad came home yesterday evening and surprised me with some new jammies. He doesn’t drive to school and can’t jet by the store on the way home. I was nearly shocked; he found a Macy’s department store at one of the subway stops near his school. I’ve been searching for something besides the ugly bottoms and Brad’s t-shirts for a while. What a sweet husband I have! The new jammies totally made my day and are even cute.
3 comments:
I totally, totally understand. The only time in my life I've been relatively happy with my appearance was when I was dating Adam and then got married. That was because I had lost some weight from walking up the stairs south of campus every day. Between marriage and getting pregnant I gained 20 lbs. I have lost most of the baby weight, but I still have so much extra weight! Plus my body is shaped differently. Having clothes that fit is the only thing that really makes me feel better. I have a bunch of pants that my sister gave me when she lost weight that I wear now, and that helps a lot. But very few of my shirts fit, which makes me depressed.
So it doesn't help the problem, but know that other people understand! It's hard to have a baby and see everyone else slim down and still be struggling. Good luck and I hope you can feel better about this!
you KNOW me, so you KNOW that I understand what you are talking about! Let's just say... I might sacrifice a limb to be your size! So ... I totally get it! I can't even tell you what to do to conquer it because I have not ever been super successful, and at this point in our lives my husband and I are about to take really drastic measures. I would just want to tell you two things... 1. you are very beautiful! (I have seen you recently - you look like a healthy glowing wife and mom... totally young and beautiful!) 2. Don't look at the entire goal of losing (whatever the number is) EVER! It will look insurmountable. Take one day... even just one meal and one snack at a time. Then give yourself a pat on the back at the end of each day for the good that you did do that day, forgot about the bad, tomorrow is a new day!
Now... If I could only follow my own advice and endure to the END, I might be a lot lighter!
Just want to tell you Deidre you are such a pretty girl!
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